


lightshow

by isometric



Series: talking nonsense (stones like white flames) [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Blood and Injury, Gen, Nonbinary Summoner | Eclat | Kiran, Slight Canon Divergence, mentioned past neurodivergence shaming, neurodivergent summoner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23549989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isometric/pseuds/isometric
Summary: Zacharias' death raises some difficult questions.(“Divergence" set between Book I Ch11-12 where Alfonse briefly believes Bruno's claim to have killed Zacharias.)
Relationships: Alfonse & Summoner | Eclat | Kiran
Series: talking nonsense (stones like white flames) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1694983
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	lightshow

Compassion doesn’t come easy, but Kiran tries.

On the morning of the second day, when Alfonse finally pulls himself out of hiding, Kiran merely offers a relieved smile. No prying, no questioning; Kiran’s getting pretty sick of listening to everyone tiptoe around Zacharias’ name, of watching everyone tiptoe around Askr’s crown prince, but they understand the overwhelming need to make grief private.

Alfonse smiles back wearily, closing the tent flap and taking a seat across the makeshift desk, and accepts the roll and cup of tea Kiran presses into his hands. He eats slowly, his eyes clear but just a little distant, nursing the tea once he finishes the roll, lost in thoughts. Trying to find the right words to say.

Kiran waits patiently for him to speak. They resume their attention to the charts spread out before them, working out new formations. Kiran doesn’t want to bench Alfonse —doesn’t usually see the point, all notions of “commanding from the back” and “heirs off the field” abandoned in the face of the prince’s martial prowess and leadership skills, and his almost pathological desire to be on the front lines— but there’s almost certainly a big battle coming their way, even if scouts haven’t reported anything yet. Kiran doesn’t trust the momentary break from grieving.

Alfonse will hate it, once he’s clear-headed enough to realise, but—

Alfonse would hate it.

Kiran refills their own cup. Silence fills the tent, sunlight spilling in bright and airy from the window slits. Alfonse sets his cup down with a muted clink.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

Kiran looks up from the charts.

“I’ve been remiss in my duties. I should have been out here, instead of locking myself away. It’s poor form for a prince.”

It is. This is war. Everyone’s lost something, and they don’t have time to stop to mourn. That’s the nature of wars. Kiran takes in Alfonse’s ashamed expression, eyes down, shoulders hunched into himself. Will it be like this every time?

Can they afford this lapse next time?

Never mind that Zacharias must have been irreplaceable for his death to shake Alfonse so, never mind that in his wake was left a prince wary of even the simplest of friendships. Kiran doesn’t harbour any delusions about their own importance to their liege, but that’s not the important thing here anyway. In war, in battle, in scouting missions, there are so many ways for something to go wrong, for a wrong move to turn fatal, for inattention to cost a life or more.

Kiran can’t afford to coddle him. Alfonse may not have noticed the calculated deployments of his closest allies, placed strategically so that he would never have the opportunity to blame himself should they die, but that’s nothing but a preventative measure. And even that’s the limit of what Kiran can do for him. Sharena’s kept to the backlines as much as possible, tasked with overseeing supply lines and troop welfare alongside Commander Anna, but Kiran isn’t omniscient. Isn’t omnipotent.

Kiran’s done everything they can to minimize loss, but misfortunes happen. It doesn’t bear thinking about next times, but they have to be prepared. There’ve been several close calls already, thwarted only because of luck, Kiran’s inexperience showing through in all the worst ways. What about next time? What if the next time they make a wrong call, it costs Askr the battle? Could Alfonse take it?

Under the great summoner cloak, out of Alfonse’s sight, Kiran touches the scar on their left inner wrist. A reminder of what they stand to lose: not just the war, but the hand too. Kiran still dreams of the blade coming down, of their arms flung up instinctively—Ike’s grip at the back of their hood, barely managing to pull them out of the way—chaos erupting because the nearest healer was hours away—the pain and dizziness, Ike’s hand holding the wound closed because the blade had cut to the bone—

The arm’s healed now, only an ugly scar left that Kiran chooses to keep, and keep from Alfonse, everyone involved sworn to secrecy regarding the assassination attempt. Let him believe Veronica was the first and only instance. But in light of Zacharias, in light of Veronica, Kiran has to wonder. What would it do to the prince, if Kiran were to die?

What would they have to do to keep him standing? Would they have to make contingencies for their own death too?

“Sharena was worried,” they say instead.

Alfonse grimaces. “I know,” he says, “I’ve apologized to her already. I know I should have come to you first—”

“No, you made the right choice.” Kiran interrupts. “I’m your partner, I would have understood.”

“That’s—” Alfonse pauses to find his words, so Kiran waits for him again. The conversation's going nowhere, but Alfonse needs it. Needs to ground himself. To re-orient himself, after Bruno’s words. Zacharias is dead, and Kiran doesn’t understand the reality of it, finds it difficult to relate to people they’ve never truly met. They know mourning and grief, but this isn’t about them.

“Will you be okay?” they ask.

“I— No. But, this isn’t the time. I’m experienced in compartmentalizing, so that will have to do until we stop Embla.”

“Alfonse…”

“I thank you for your concern. And your patience and understanding. I… don’t deserve your kindness.”

Kiran reaches for his hands, still held around his cup, the tea gone cold. The tension in the prince’s hands relaxes at the touch. Sometimes Kiran wonders if they’re the only person outside of his sister to be so familiar with him, if that’s why Alfonse lets them. What would he do if they die? What would become of him?

“You’re my friend,” they tell him. “First and foremost. Of course I care.” Alfonse finally looks up, his eyes pained and sad, but Kiran pushes through. “Tell me what you need.”

“Kiran—”

“I, back in my world, I had a deficiency. I still do. I don’t think that will ever go away. I need you to tell me. I won’t know if you don’t.”

For a moment, Alfonse just stares back. Then he says, “I don’t know. Time, I suppose. That we don’t have.”

“I can make time for you.”

“No, I won’t have others shoulder my burden for me. It’s not proper for a prince.” He laughs, mirthlessly. Kiran watches him carefully through it. “Maybe I don’t want to be a prince either.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”

“Thank you. Kiran— you aren’t defective. Don’t ever think of yourself that way.”

“Then don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I’ll try.”

They lapse back into silence. Alfonse keeps his hands around his cup, Kiran keeps their hands around his. If things were different, if they didn’t have to walk around the eggshell that is emotional trauma, Kiran would have—they don’t know, really. For the first time, despite what Alfonse says, they wish they were normal, if only so they’d know how to comfort him.

Alfonse leaves soon after, called by duty to report to Commander Anna. Kiran can only hope that the half-hour he spent in their company helped in some way. They can’t know for sure, not without being told, however much they keep watch, analyzing data from those they care about. They can only trust in Alfonse’s strength and resilience.

What a thing, irony is.

**Author's Note:**

> FEH has a pretty wonky timeline, but I'm almost certain each "world" we visit takes at least a few days to liberate, what with the constant fighting, surveying/scouting and retreats/pursuit happening.
> 
> On that note, the Order probably has a war tent for Kiran to strategize in.


End file.
